St. Basil’s Cathedral.
To paraphrase Tolstoy, happy nations are alike; every unhappy nation is unhappy in its own way.
Russians have given a great deal of thought to unhappiness. They live in a miserable climate, their neighbors take turns invading them, their religion encourages mortification. In that spirit, this account will be duly somber. Humor will be suspended.1
With a generous spirit, Russia shares its misery with visitors. Obtaining a Russian visa requires an official invitation (obtained from your hotel or by tour group), proof of travel arrangements, and a 10-page visa application. Colonoscopy is optional.
Do not consider the entry requirements an unnecessary complication. The process is a vital part of the visitor’s psychological preparation. Without overcoming these first hurdles, you will be ill-prepared to face the lines and bureaucracy that still lie at the heart of the Russian State. It is a test of your stamina and your moral fiber. If you cannot fill out form properly (cue thick Russian accent), you are not strong enough to visit Mother Russia. The silver lining is that once you’ve completed the process, navigating the actual city will seem mundane.
I offer a visit to the Kremlin as an example. The Kremlin is rightfully at the top of the traveler’s list, and arranging the visit is simple– compared to preparing your taxes.
Lines form up in Alexander Garden a block from the entrance, outside ticket offices housed in trailers. Purchase the basic admission ticket for the Kremlin.
There are separate, timed tickets for the Armoury Museum, the Diamond Fund, and the Bell Tower. These tickets must be purchased within 45 minutes of the beginning of the tour, and cannot be purchased at the same time. (You may be told the ticket for the Armoury Museum or Diamond Fund includes admission to other Kremlin sites. It doesn’t.) The Diamond Fund is inside the Armoury building, but it is a separate exhibit and requires its own timed ticket.
Don’t despair. Purchase a timed ticket to whichever exhibit you fancy. You can easily purchase additional timed tickets later at a kiosk within the Armoury building.
The Armoury is not just arms and armor; it’s an outstanding historical museum containing items that belonged to the czars and their families. Included in the collection are jeweled, filigreed altar Bibles; elaborately crafted censors; beautiful works of Baltic amber; nautilus shell chalices; tsars’ carriages (the Humvees of the 18th-19th centuries); and several Fabergé eggs. I found the audiotour insufferable: it moves through each exhibit at its own pace, which is slower than a turtle with tiny, gold filigree crutches.
The 266 foot high Bell Tower, begun by Ivan III (”The Great”) in 1505, offers a pigeon’s eye view of the cathedrals, although there are no pigeons to enjoy it because every Thursday, two very special Kremlin employees, a pair of falcons, are set loose over the premises. Whether this is to avert avian flu or avian spies, you decide.
The Bell Tower audiotour (recommended) is synchronized to a slick slide presentation of the early history of Moscow and the development of the Kremlin (meaning “fortress”) using diagrams, maps, and models projected onto the interior walls. Moscow dates its foundation to 1147 when Prince Yuri of Kiev took a good look at the ground rising slightly above the swampland at the confluence of two rivers and decided it was a good site for a city. So Moscow and Washington DC have at least that in common.
The czars proved their religious devotion and tried to expiate their sins (of which they had no small burden) by building cathedrals within the Kremlin walls, which were used for coronations, consecrations, and burials. Moscow’s best known cathedral, however, lies outside the Kremlin, at the edge of Red Square. St. Basil’s is viewed and photographed by thousands of tourists a day, but few go inside. The small, labyrinthine interior with its nine separate churches make it unsuitable for large tours, but I highly recommend it for independent travelers. If you are in a group and have free time, go on your own.
St. Basil’s was constructed between 1555-1561 to commemorate Ivan IV’s (”The Terrible”) victory over the Mongols of Kazan and Astrakhan.2 Each of the original nine churches is dedicated to a saint upon whose day a significant victory occurred during the war, and each has its own dome.
A tenth church was later added and dedicated to Basil, a “holy fool,” one of many in the 15th-17th centuries who renounced family and worldly goods for an ascetic life. In return they were tolerated when they ‘spoke truth to power,’ not unlike medieval court jesters. They were believed to have gifts of prophecy.
There is one miracle associated with St. Basil’s Cathedral: how easy it is to buy an entry ticket at the desk inside the entrance.
In modern times, no one did more to earn “The Terrible” label than Ivan’s spiritual successor, Joseph Stalin. Maybe he didn’t make the trains run on time like other dictators of his generation, but he did build the metro.
Russians were told communism would bring rapid advancement and material benefits, but the system was underperforming and Stalin had to change the perception. The Moscow metro was designed to show the brilliance and superiority of the Soviet system – and to serve as public bomb shelters if the superiority thing didn’t work out.
Artists and architects designed the stations in homage to Russian culture and in deference to Soviet propaganda (today, wonderfully retro). My personal favorite – the Russian soldier with his German Shepherd. Millions of commuters rub the dog’s nose for good luck, which makes it a great vehicle for transmission of the cold virus, so bring disinfectant wipes.
Moscow metro statue: Soldier with German Shepherd dog.
There are currently 11 major lines, color-coded, named and numbered. The lines criss-cross the city and intersect with the brown circle line, which was not part of the original design. While Stalin was reviewing the engineers’ plans (the story goes), he was called to attend to another matter and set his coffee mug on the diagram, leaving a brown ring on the center of the map. Afraid to approach Stalin for clarification, they just added it to the scheme.
The story may be apocryphal, but the metro is cheap and will take you anywhere in the city. It’s also well labeled— in Russian. Don’t panic. Sign up for a half-day tour to see the highlights. If you’re up for a small challenge, learn the Cyrillic alphabet, download a metro map (in English, Cyrillic or both) and Moscow will be your oyster.
This article barely scratches the surface of all there is to see and do in Moscow. There’s the Bolshoi, the Tolstoy House, and many museums for the culturally minded. Take a cruise on the Moscow River, visit the Jewish museum. My major reason for visiting Russia was to see St. Petersburg— but I loved Moscow, more than I anticipated. If only I’d had a bottle of vodka while completing the visa application!
Disclaimer: I traveled to Russia in 2013. Always check current conditions before planning your own trip!
1 This is my first post, so it is my responsibility to inform you this is a lie. Humor will never be suspended.
2 Although “Terrible” is more accurately translated as fearsome or formidable, Ivan IV deserved the epithet “Terrible” for other reasons. He killed his son and heir in a fit of rage, and he was the founder of Russia’s first secret police force, the oprichnina.
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